I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
