Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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