What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
