She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
