Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
