you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
