Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Plan B is the new Plan A
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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