ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
