It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
