you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize