Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she smelled like a LAN party
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
