I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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