Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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