She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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