coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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