i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
