Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
