Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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