he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
