omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
