I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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