Swine flu. Run for my life!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize