This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
