just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
