Screwed.edu
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
