imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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