Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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