Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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