I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
