I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
