I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
