so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Princesses don't give blow jobs
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
