the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
