I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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