I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
