Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
oh god the rape fog is back!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
