Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
worst night to have a conscience
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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