it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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