Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
