I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just want to make out with him forever
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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