I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
