Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
