He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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