so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
