He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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