I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize