how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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