I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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