We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
