Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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