fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
