i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
