I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize