my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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