Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
