I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
foreskin is a definite game changer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Shame - the story of my life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
