Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
