Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
