i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
