it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You ruined the universe
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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