is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
