Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
