I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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