i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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