me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
