I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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