she sounds like chewbacca in bed
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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